Schlörgbobbel or Deadly Vacations
by DOOMSDAY1
Summary: Tekken goes on holiday. Stupidity, violence bad language, yaoi, crossover with some other game-characters, drugabuse, extreme Charbashin (Jin, Jun, Julia uhm.. everybody)... did I mention stupidity?


Authors Note:

Hmm... Where to begin... Maybe at the beginning: Inspired by SeiyanRage's famous Tekken Committee A friend (NKS also an author here) decided to do something like that, too. Well soon it went on in an totally different style of humour (or stupidity to be honest). Whatever. The stories are originally written in German (different southern German-dialects from all the small province villages surrounding those we live in) 'cause I can't translate that as well as I can't translate all the retarded word-plays (ß is this an existing word?).

You'll find 'EH' in the story babbling into the other characters, that's me. The 'E' stands for 'Erzähler' that's narrator in German, the 'H' stands for 'Hannah' that's my name.

If you spot 'EN' that's the same in green, the 'N' stands for NKS' name. 

'Cause you don't know what we look like, but just imagine our/my voice babbling from out of nowhere.

Vrang = Hwoarang

And this isn't Tekken only, You'll find many guys from other games 'n stuff

WARNING: this contains rough language (the F-word mostly), character-bashing, an YAOI, violence and bloodshed, drug abuse and other things that make life fun... So if you have problems with one or all of those don't read it.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own any of those chars... *sniff* ... exept of Jeanette (a two meters long, arm-thick cobra) and 384 and 384 his brother (two (area51-style) aliens in khaki-shorts and hawaii-shirts)

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+++Schlörgbobbel or Deadly Vacations+++

EH * Tacks the papers on which this was originally written on the wrong corner 

EH * faking Spanish accent: "Alarming Situation!"

The Skyscraper of Evil, a large conference room. In one corner Vrang, Yoshi, Eddy, Christy, Solidus Snake, Steve, Yuna and Kai, last of the Brunnen G are gathered round a big, fat bong. Green clouds engulf them and a ghettoblaster is playing Sepultura real loud.

Auron sits on the window sill, chin sunken on his chest, taking a nap... as so often...

Kazuya Mishima takes a look at the people sitting round the large, expanding table, he learned to ignore the stoners since several month (not that ever really gave a fuck 'bout there opinions...):

Jun was pouring water at the _plastic_-flowers decorating the table...

Bryan had his boots on the table, legs crossed reading some physicians-magazines, Odin was playing Zelda on his colour-GameBoy, Jin talked to his plush-Pikachu, Julia was just smiling a retarded smile and Lee...

Lee manicured dedicative his nails, critically holding his fingers up, checking if it was perfect enough for him...

Kazuya sank deeper in his leather seat: *SIGH 

EH (out of nowhere, remember?) * want's to hold a speech... "Well,...." *forgotten the text

*improvising "It wasn't that bad the last twenty years... (A/N: I'm supposed to say issues, but I often write faster than I think...)" 

* drama break 

Kazuya: * hopes she has finally another hobby....

EH *babbles along "and I want to thank you all from the heart for your professional, loyal and unquestioning co-operation – I'm feeling honoured that I had the chance to work with such brilliant and inspiring people and therefore I want to announce..."

*drum roll 

Kazuya *prays...

EH "That the series will be...

Kazuya *prays "...cancelled."

EH "...continued." 

Kazuya *collapses theatrical

Lee "Hoo Kazzy, aren't you a least a tiny bit happy?"

Kazuya *lies on the floor, whimpering

Lee: *claps hands "Cuuuuute, I didn't expect you to be THAT happy." *purr

Kazuya doesn't want anything at the moment he's completly in torment, sweat running down his skin, his bo dy spasms uncontrolled, writhing in the purple tux....

Lee's mouth waters....

EH: "Mine, too..."

EN: "Well, my dears and because you were so nice all those _years_ you're **allowed** to go an vacation ALL TOGETHER.

Kazuya: *MEGAHAPPY (A/N: hope everybody gets the irony)

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Katjes is producing Fuck-Offs recently.

But they aren't allowed to go on vacation, too.

Katjes Fuck-Offs: "You meany!" *whine 

EH: * stomps the Katjes Fuck-Offs into the ground

Kazuya to EH: "Shouldn't you get your life straight first? University?... Job?... Future?"

EH: "Interesting which froms my bad conscience can have.....

*purr "Kazzy... don't use the word 'straight', it has something so RIDICULOUS when you say it... and..." *snarl "TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!"

Kazuya: *still scornful * "heehee...."

EH: "GRRRR!"

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The editorial office: "I'm not looking forward to my life! So further with the fic!"

Everybody is busy packing. ... Some are faster than others... 

Especially _those others_ who have wardrobes big enough to get laid in it....

Nothing unexpected happens during the flight:

The pot-head do their duty and stayed high and Sepultura blares loud. 

Vrang is smoking a curtain 'cause the stewardess forbid him to dig for roots. 

Jin pees his pants 'cause the lavatory was closed over the whole flight (even Lee and Kazzy want some privacy...) and Raiden (MGS2) asks himself why the hell Solidus had taken a gnats-wipe (A/N: Those thingies to kill gnats/flies/other stupid insects... hadn't found it in my dictionary) with him...

Besides the flight is stupendously short... about 90 min....

As the gathered chaos leaves the plane, they notice that two are still absent.

All *look at each other

All *sigh....

Odin his horse: "I'll go 'n get them..." *sighs again

All are thankful.

It's kinda 5 before 12 in the lavatory as Odin his horse opens the door (*kick*), Sleipnir hangs his fat bulk of a head into the already tight affair.

Odin his Horse: "!?!"

Because of: World upside down (Lee 'n Kazzy not playing cards): Kazzy screws Lee ß how come?

Whatever.

Noone is coming now.

Odin his horse: "We're all waiting... So would you two sissies have the grace to come? Erm... I mean come out of this stupid plane immediately?!!!"

Kazuya: *readjusting his pants * "Grrrrrr"

EH: "Ah, sometimes life is real hard, isn't it?!" )

Lee is about to think it's funny then he remembers having the same problem like his brother.

EH: "Seems like life's a bitch, eh?"

Lee: "Hey it's not my fault!"

EH: *shrugs* "Why you given in? Are we becoming soft with age, aren't we?" *INSANE* "heehee"

A voice: "Those cold-jokes aren't funny at all."

EH: "Huh...?!" ... *think* ... *gets nothing* ... "Shuddup!"

Voice: *insulted* "hmph!"

Besides Yoshi is the only one who wonders about how a fat Boeing 747 can land on such a small airport/field...

So now that ALL are gathered, it's time chick into the hotel and check up the rooms.

A minor miracle – this process proceeds without a hitch.... almost:

Walking through a long hall flanked with 5 meters tall bronce samurai statues Jun muses: "Oh, that so nicely medieval asian here, the kids could learn so much about history... that's so important and pedagogical..."

One of the 5 meters tall statues smashes on the ground burying her beneath.

Jun dies (wouldn't be the first time...)...

Noone cares.

Jin doesn't get that anywayz.

Jin just stands there, Pikachu in his arms, in his high tide pyjama and digs his nose.

Jin: "Mommy... me havda peeeee."

The fact that the statue is having 4 arms doesn't reach his brain, too.

Meanwhile are the others are heading toward the beach, with all the beach-equipment typical tourists are typically wearing/carrying with them...

++Elsewhere on the island, in high, dark hall only enlightened by the flickering flames of black candles.

A rumble is heard.

Quan-Chi: *mumbles* "Uh fuck, hearin' freaky stuff again, gadda call my therapist..." *digs his pocket for his mobile*

Shang Tsung: "Stop it, man! Exceptionally this was a real sound." *shakes his head*

Quan-Chi: *sniffs up a long nail full cocaine*

Goro scratches his butt.

Shao Kahn: *sinks deeper into his throne and asks him self for the thousands time in the last two minutes why he is doomed to work with such complete retards, why them of all evil human filth?! Now of all eternity when he's having enough stress?.....

Moloch: *fart* stares totally retarded*

++At the beach:

The honourable vigilantes of whatever this bunch of chaotics was ever supposed to be have spread themselves on the phantasmagoric beautiful beach like the seven plaques over Egypt... 

Business as usual:

Clouds of green smoke ascend skywards through the cocos, Sepultura blares, Raiden sticks a shell up his nose, Vrang digs for roots, Odin plays Zelda with his GameBoy-Colour, Bryan sets up the barbecue, Kazuya and Lee are sun bathing after Lee sniffed a thumb-thick line of Kazzy's six-pack, Yuna searches something to sniff cocaine from but Lee doesn't share (the last time he shared Jin happened....), Auron hasn't found a window sill yet and James preferred to take his holidays in Silent Hill... 

All of a sudden Bryan hears something different from the usual beach-sounds.

Bryan: "Huh?!" *cocks his ears and finds out that the sound's source is a nearby cocos-tree*

Bryan was never a friend of theories so he forcefully shakes the tree....

So that's the first chapter. I have to admit that this is just like the introduction, so be prepared that this wasn't the climax of the story or the stupidity.

Apropos 'Be prepared!' if you guess that they landed on ST's island and now run head over heels in some Mortal Kombat stuff you guessed right.

The next chapters will follow soon, the story is complete written down, I only have to translate it.

Yea, and that's the point... to my ears/eyes the story sounds 'translated' I'm sorry for that, hope you like it anywayz... if your going like 'Hey man, where's all the stuff ya promised in the WARNINGS?!' well as I said, this is just the beginning....

R'n R please, I'm starving for feedback.

J 

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